The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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