I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
