Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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