we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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