I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
