Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
