She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
