So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
