HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When are your genitals available?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
