My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
