I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
