My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
