is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
