If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
one might say we're banned from that church
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
