Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
