How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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