yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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