hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
