Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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