so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
