So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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