i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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