ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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