dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
