you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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