we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
