wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
