I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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