How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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