I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
