I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
