made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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