I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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