There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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