it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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