So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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