we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
