I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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