i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
