You work out of a Hotel?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
