I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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