hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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