we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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