I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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