im six kinds of drunk right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
