u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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