Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
