I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
