i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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