I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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