Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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