I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
