I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
