Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
